It can be disconcerting for a woman when her partner tends to despise a certain aspect of her body
Dear Counsellor,
I am 25 years old, and a single mother of two. I separated with their father five years ago because he was 20 years older than me, and used to mistreat and beat me. He promised to send me back to school but never did. My relatives took me back home after I conceived the second child.
My mother cannot afford to support my siblings and I. I struggled to get through O’level. I am now pursuing a certificate course in business administration and hope to do a degree course in future. I work and am able to meet my school expenses, cater for my mother and siblings, pay rent and other needs.
I recently got a boyfriend. I have told him about my past and he said he understands. However, he wants me to get treatment for my breasts because they look like old stockings. How can I get such treatment and where? I do not want to disappoint this man, he is the kind I have been looking for and he is ready to marry me and take care of my kids.
Worried Blessy
What if he lets you down? Dear Blessy,
I understand what you are going through, but I advise you to always think twice before engaging yourself in such commitments, especially after the first disappointment. You said you are able to support yourself, your child and mother. Why can’t you settle down and look after yourself without this young boy who is also capable of disappointing you? People always advise us, but we make the final decision. After more thought, make a wise decision, especially for the wellbeing of you and your child. Good luck.
Carol Nakasingye,
UCU, Mukono
What if he tells you to change something else? Dear Blessy,
It is a pity to learn about your past, but you still need to take precaution although you feel that you have finally got Mr. Right. I honestly think you should think twice before you land into trouble. Ask yourself: If you did the uplift he wants, won’t he demand for a face lift as well, and so on? Is he trying to change you into something you want or he wants? If you asked him to do the same, would he do it? Are you willing to keep doing things for him for the rest of your life? Do not fall in love blindly, love yourself first.
Viola, Jinja
What about side-effects? Dear Blessy,
I sympathise with you dear. It is good to hear that you have found someone you truly love, and I know you can do anything to win this new boyfriend’s love, after being disappointed by the father of your children.
It is ridiculous that he does not love you the way you are. If you are to ‘treat’ your breasts, it should be of your free will. Do not do it to please him. There are a number of places in town I see for breast enlargement or reduction, but think about the side-effects. He might be in love with you right now, but what if the side-effects start to show, for example cancer, and he does not stick by your side? Won’t you regret when it is too late?
There are a number of men who would love you the way you are. Think twice before doing something that might cause damage to your health.
Faridah Walugembe
Beauty is more than breasts Dear Blessy,
I first want to applaud you for what you have been able to do with your life after separating with the father of your children five years ago. Meeting your school expenses, rent and other needs, and caring for your mother and siblings is not something to take lightly. You should be proud of yourself! But, do not be deceived to think that all you need is a boyfriend who wants to marry you. You are beautiful even with the “old stocking” breasts he claims not to like. A wonderful, mature partner should love you for you everything.
Even though “in every man’s heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibration of beauty”, this secret nerve should be able to know what real beauty is!
It seems this man’s love is first and far most not based on the your real beauty as a woman. Commend yourself for what you are. Besides that, the so-called artificial beauty enhancements around town are a no-go area for you, believe me.
Just tell your boyfriend that is who you are and if he does not see you as beautiful, it is loss.
You may not believe it, but in due time, the right man who loves you for you will come along. You are only 25 years dear, concentrate on your life, children and school, and in time, everything will work out.
Evelyn, MUBS
