When a woman is burdened by the rampant evil in society, who is going to answer those questions?

By Bob G. Kisiki

THE Basoga have a saying “when one sees you very often, one does not consider you a visitor”. Ultimately, your presence is of no particular consequence.So it is for days like yesterday — the International Women’s Day.

When the idea had just come upon us, it was a day to talk about. I believe many did not even seek to understand what the day was about; all they got excited over was the celebration of a women’s day. But as time rolled by, we look forward to it as yet another public holiday; that very welcome opportunity to be away from official duty.

So after they wind down after the fetes yesterday, let us whisper together as men: Just what is this day about? Why women? For what? As the young people love to cryptically ask: What about?

Isn’t it just possible that we have not given this day the thought it deserves, because well, we always see the women, and so we no longer consider them worthwhile visitors?

For, who leaves the comfort of a good home, to go seek solace in the wild open? Have you been to the streets of Kampala and other urban centres in Uganda? Have you seen those children in tatters scavenging for food in bins? Chances are, they came from homes where something vital was lacking, so they fled to the streets.

Now let’s look at this as men — the fathers of these discriminated girls; husbands to unloved and battered women; brothers to the raped girls and lovers (shame, that we can still call ourselves this) to the maimed and murdered girls, whose bodies are dumped in suitcases, sewers and ceilings.

Let’s ask ourselves: Who is this who has told our girls, ‘you cannot do this, or you cannot do it that way’? Who has been creeping behind our backs and beating up our wives, removing their eyes and breaking their spines, so they can no longer see where they are going and stand on their own?

Who has waited for us to leave for work in our grand offices, and crept onto our sisters, raped, defiled and abused them? Who is that fellow who lied to our girlfriends, and instead of loving them, chopped them up, stacking their mutilated bodies into boxes, like meat for export?

Let me tell you something obvious: When you see a woman raise an alarm, attracting someone else’s attention to herself, she is saying there is something wrong with her leader. She is saying there was need for guidance which her mentors either refused or failed to give her. She is saying there are gaps in her identity, which she cannot live without filling.

And could someone out there please answer her questions like: Dad, after you slept with me, are my children your sons and daughters or grandchildren? What am I to them, then? Questions like: When you stop me from working, and tether me to your bedpost, are we friends, or am I at the same level as your stereo on the mantelpiece?

She is saying, dear brothers, there is something about her people’s culture which she can neither trace to her great grandparents, nor find the significance of.

So why Women’s Day? Much as the women themselves might not have thought about it this way, this is a day when we, the men in their lives, can ask and answer these questions.

If we do not want women to have a special day set aside for them, we take away the circumstances leading to the day’s need.

If we think okay, why not have the day, then we change it from a day of expressing a need, to a day of expressing gratitude for the gift of fathers, brothers and lovers.

Do you have any comments on this story? Write to women@newvision.co.ug. OR send an SMS by typing ‘women’ (space) your comment and name, and send to 8338
(utl, Zain, Warid & MTN)