Dear Prim,
I commend you for your attitude towards your partner. I am glad you sought help because you are dealing with a rather sensitive matter.
You mentioned that you were together before and made some mistakes. Any lesson learnt from this? As an individual, what has changed to enable you relate better and what has your partner learnt? You mentioned he still drinks and becomes a nuisance when he does; what does that mean to you and the relationship? Could you be dealing with an alcohol addiction? I know there is a tendency for people close to someone who may be addicted to live in denial. Try searching yourself and analysing this without burying your head in the sand.
If you really love this man, then you may need to find him help. Failure to do this may drain your energy, patience and before you know it, that love may die. It could be replaced with resentment and bitterness, which may poison your relationship. The earlier you understand what you are dealing with and find the appropriate help the better for both of you.
Learning to recognise symptoms of an alcohol addition could help. Some tips from Patrick Meninga, a recovering addict working with an alcohol treatment centre in the US:
The individual gradually increases the amount of alcohol they consume on a regular basis.
Such an individual, if they are unable to gain access to their cravings, may start to exhibit a wide array of emotions. Many times, irritability and becoming socially withdrawn are evident symptoms of alcohol abuse when the drink cannot be obtained. Many may even become angry and do things that are out of character.
When they have a limited amount of alcohol, and they become physically ill, having symptoms like:
High levels of physical anxiety
Vomiting
Lack of appetite
Body tremors
Headaches
Concentration difficulties
Memory problems
Sleeping for long periods of time
He may actually withdraw from situations, interests, and people that he once enjoyed. This is often done in order to dedicate more time to drinking.
As a partner, how can you help?
Focus on changing your own behaviour; you will experience full control and an empowering mindset by making a choice on how to interact with the person. As you help, you must practise detachment. It is the idea that the alcoholism is separate from the individual himself. Dealing with your own unresolved emotions will also help you deal with this situation more objectively.
Show your support as best as you can and let them know that you will support them in any way that you can if they choose to stop drinking. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by their emotions or actions.
Encourage him towards seeking treatment, it may be a while till he actually accepts the help
Sometimes when we try to help an alcoholic, we are actually enabling them, for example giving them money to appease the anger episodes. Do not deny him consequences of his drinking
Some of these may seem hard to take when you love someone, but it is important to remain objective and focus on maintaining personal wellbeing as you support him.
Remember to exercise good judgement and in good time, determine whether or not to maintain this relationship.
