Checking the results of a pregnancy test. Decisions about family planning should involve both partners

By Bob G. Kisiki

AT the risk of not being taken seriously by people who say eyo sitoole (that’s just a tale), let me tell you this one. They agreed that she put an end to her childbearing days because it was beginning to threaten her health. And with that, talk about contraception entered the household. Prior to this, they had never thought anything would come between them, literally.

The man swore by all his ancestors, and other divinities, that there was no way he was going to be party to a process which would interfere with how he enjoyed his rights. No amount of coaxing would make him budge. Which is why it is vital that men get involved in discussing all elements of reproduction, beyond the practical aspects. While many know what to do to ‘create’ a child, not many can explain the implications that process has on their wives.

When I was learning to drive, my tutor, Vincent, said for you to drive well and meaningfully, you needed to understand the way the car (engine, suspension, chassis, etc) is made and functions. So he took me through a thorough lesson. I know, as I drive, that they have a life of their own, and mishandling them can hurt that life. And these are only machines.

Before a man has been told that inside the smooth, good-to-touch skin of his wife, there is a whole system of processes going on, he will not see any need to control what goes on inside there. But that is not the only reason men need to be brought into the family planning picture.

The woman in whom you intend to plant strange material is his wife. How is he going to react when he sees a wound he didn’t cause, with gauze covering the implant you inserted there, and you expect him to just keep quiet? Or should he, for some reason or other, discover that there is foreign matter inside her womanhood, isn’t he bound to ask questions?

Same thing with a woman who, every shortly before anything happens between them, she dashes to the medicine cabinet and swallows ‘invisible’ pills. This will cause discomforts nobody might be ready to explain away.

Besides, some of these methods have their simple, but nonetheless visible side-effects. She is on the same diet she has always had, but she is suddenly ballooning. You have done nothing wrong, but she grows irritable, rash or withdrawn. You offer to wash her undies, but she won’t let you, yet you have always done it freely. When you insist and she surrenders them, you detect signs of spotting.

There’s nothing most men fear like widowhood, and yet many get into it when they should not. And like Scripture says, people perish due to ignorance. What do you expect when your wife of six years has five children with you, all delivered in your house?

I remember a teacher we had once; about whom people used to joke that before she delivered a baby, her husband would plant another seed, so that when she delivered, she would start on antenatal care for the new pregnancy. That woman had a baby every year, and if you went to her house, you would be hard pressed to tell which baby was third, fifth or ninth.

Men must be brought into the contraceptive loop, and someone has to do it deliberately, protractedly. If the wife cannot do it, or her doctor/midwife, let the local council secretary for women call all the men in the area and talk to them. Let some charity budget for these talks on a yearly or monthly basis.

Let church leaders plan a sermon on this every so often. But let someone plan to explain to the men that family planning does not only affect the number of children they get, and how to look after them, but also the woman’s internal workings, including her emotions and, by extension, the man himself.

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