I have been married for 13 years and have three children aged between five and 12, and I am expecting a fourth. We used to stay together till my husband was transferred away from home. We decided that I stay behind. He checks on us every two weeks, but since he left, he has changed a lot. He has no respect at all for me, goes out with other women, including his junior workmates. He receives love messages on his phone and I have found several video clips of him in bed with other women. On confrontation the first time he apologised and promised to change. The second time he had nothing to say. I screamed my head off, but to no avail. When I cooled down the next day, he apologised again and regretted the pain he had caused me and begged for forgiveness. I forgave him for the sake of our family. Barely two months later, he was in bed with another woman, this time a wife to his workmate. He had shown me a seductive message from her before. I lost all my patience and cut off all communication with him. What irritates me is his unrepentant nature. He has now stopped sending money for upkeep. I am devastated, please help.
Anon

What could have pushed him over the edge?
You may be feeling totally betrayed and misused. Did the distance apart from each other create lack of trust, rumours and misunderstanding? One possibility is that your husband might have been unfaithful even before the transfer. Or, the loneliness after the transfer must have made him vulnerable to temptation.
Retrace your steps carefully and try to find out what could have gone wrong and when.
Is he doing this out of habit or as revenge? Any loving, caring and sensitive husband would not leave love messages and those funny video clips on his phone, except with the intenton of letting the spouse know what is happening.
Cutting off communication completely will not solve the matter because your children need to be looked after by their father.
Engage both your parents or counsellors to discuss the matter further.
Anne Avinyia