I wrote a congratulatory note to victors from the NRM primaries and went home to sleep off the fatigue of the day. Had I not tuned on the TV that night, my message would have made me a laughing stock.
Generally, no dictionary can describe the NRM exercise as an election! Whatever irregularity you can relate to elections took the opportunity to exhibit itself. Kigundu must be laughing himself hoarse; people think it is very easy to organise elections; he must be saying between chokes of laughter!
It is just like marriage: You can scorn people for failing to handle marriages — you are even at liberty to use all manner of disdain, mockery and proverbs — but wait till you get married yourself; you will realise that 40% is good enough in certain instances.
But, of course, that won’t stop me from giving a standing condemnation of all the malpractices committed by NRM members, especially ministers, MPs, directors, benefactors and all those I haven’t mentioned. These are the people we esteem so highly. When they disrespect the laws with such blatant arrogance, they are stealing bananas with babies strapped on their backs. Surely, why wouldn’t those babies grow up to become master thieves. You see how our leaders are wrecking the future?
Don’t ask me why we can’t stop the rigging? Don’t stretch my opportunity to call someone a fool. I have already done it to someone this morning on Facebook. He was asking why some people can’t be disciplined? There are brilliant phrases that will forever rest in peace in the books of knowledge. Such as: Nobody is above the law.
In reality, some people are more equal than others. In some homes, when a wife returns after dark, she finds the husband’s cane dusted and ready for work. In others, a husband has to return home with the wife’s brother, village pastor or local OC police post to be allowed in if he stays in a bar for later than supper time.
But aren’t there married people who remain unaccounted for — for weeks only to return to a feast of a fattened ox? Aren’t there wives who just call from the office to ask the husband to pack their luggage because they are travelling to the US and don’t know when they will be back?
Yes, there are married people who seem to be above the generally acceptable standards of society. They are not born with a crown neither are they anointed so. They work their way there. The better questions should be; how do I get to a point where I can declare the elections cancelled — when I am a contesting candidate, where I can arrest the police — when I am the culprit, where I can beat up a journalist — in spite of the police presence and where I can be forgiven for faults that break homes in average standards or be allowed to do things other married people only fantasise about?
It is not as instant as a Saul-Paul transition. You work on it over time. In marriage, you must first become so useful and relevant to your spouse and the family that they see you as indispensable and irreplaceable. You must also prove yourself in trusting and being trustworthy that before your spouse reacts, you have several benefits of doubts at your disposal. Every leader needs pillar partners to survive; drill yourself into that position and the law will start respecting you.
This is not advice you will get from the church pulpit because the context demands playing by the rules.
But playing by the rules has one major weakness; the opponent can predict your next move.
So, for survival in marriage, politics, war, society and sports, use pragmatic medicine, which you can only find in this column.
